"The difference between doing what you want and doing something casually is that you urge yourself to do it in the most perfect way." Nerva replied. "I am doing something I want to do, master, so it works well for me."

--Nerva to Deucalion; from The Red Haired Terror; by Nerva al'Thor


____________________________________________________


oh yeah,.. special thanks to Ms. Mae Ann,.. :) thank you sa help mo dito sa bago kong blog,.ahihi
aww kahit ang gulo pa,.. at least nababasa ung entries,. i mean nababasa ko,.. hihihi


back to my regular rantings,...

____________________________________________________



I died a long time ago,..

I am now a "Ghoul" waiting for the last "HEAL!" coming from You,..

whether you're from the Acolyte class, A Crusader/Paladin, a character who uses a "Healing Clip" or a user of the Light Epsilon,..

a single "HEAL!" will do my friend,...




Please Help me Rest in Peace,...




I'm damn serious,..


Ever since I studied in college,.. my life turned upside down,...
People are expecting me to cope fast,..
People demands me of great things out of their frustrations,..
People lauged at me when I didn't understand,..


yeah,.. weird,... It was me who is "weird" after all,..


What do I want?



I want to Rest,..


but the world insists me not to waste time,..


as if i'm doing something productive?! huh?

I failed not only myself & my parents but also theLord,.. I can't bear that,.. Please let me rest,.. If you love yourself that much please don't get close to me,.. You'll just be part of my discombobulating & melancholic mind,...

~ gah where did I get those words? o_O

I want myself back,..

I don't want you,...

I'm striving to get back,.. & you're not helping me,..


Please LEAVE me ALONE,.....




I'm pleading for a chance,...

I hope it isn't too late,...

Please,....



I was not late this morning in our PE class,..


The damages were done,.. I have no choice but to face all the consequences,...



__________________________________________________


Doing something you Love,... is different from doing something casually,...


Then I must learn to Love it,...

I have to,...


I won't promise to study my lessons,..
I won't promise to sleep early,..
I won't promise to be early in school,..
I won't promise to use time productively,..
I won't promise to spend my money wisely,..
I won't promise to attend the holy mass on Sundays,..
I won't promise to be nice and sweet,..
I won't promise to stop reading fan fictions,..
I won't promise to lessen my time in front of the monitor
I won't promise to quit Ragnarok Online,..
I won't promise to lessen my food intake,..
I won't promise to understand the reality,..
I won't promise to be good,...





Oh God,.....
Please Heal me,.....


____________________________________________


sorry for all the rantings what-so-ever,.. i need those words eh,..ahaha,.. please do not comprehend too deep,.. mababaw lang talaga yan,.. wag nang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano,.. ;) just reflect on the quote above,.. inspirational yan,.. lalo na yung buong kwento,..

_______________________________________________

And this is another post dedicated to my Hated Subject ever,... Is it really right to say that Love Fails?!!!

the content of this post is based in 1 of my favorite blogs so i'm suggesting all of you to read that,.. =)

http://imanster.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2006/07/index.html



My Share of Love (Failure)

I love without reserve. I never cheat. I can say that in pure conscience and may God send a lightning to roast me like a chicken if I'm lying. I love fully. I know I never wronged Christine (oh yeah, you got the name) intentionally. And if in any way I had hurt her, it's because of being so suddenly far for so long, something we are *both* not used to. I tried my best to play my part in keeping us alive BUT WE STILL FAILED. I loved her with all my heart AND YET WE STILL FAILED.

-------------------------------------------------

ouch talaga e2,... grabe ganito pala nangyari kay kuya Heathen,.. i hate to say this pero kaya siguro medyo "mean" na siya,.. hindi naman masyadong harsh ang words pero kapag binabasa ko ung "Chat Logs" (fic niya) kahit masaya yung content parang ang nasa likod nun,.. a friend who FAILED in love,.... aww i'm really sorry,.. i think i'm just over reacting,... i admire kuya Heathen and his works so much,.. :)

____________________________________


excerpts ulit sa kanyang blog,..
http://imanster.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2006/05/index.html

love talk #1
~i suggest that you read the whole content,.. kasi mas maganda talaga,.. =)
part na lang nilagay ko dito eh



Pedro: Every human being needs to love.
Bayani: I am loving.
Pedro: Every human being needs to be loved back.
Bayani: I am being loved back
Pedro: I see the problem. You know the quote, "love is blinding?"
Bayani: Isn't it supposed to be "love is blind?"
Pedro: Love is blinding. YOU. You are too in-love, too blind, too fed up with that stupid "love needs no something in exchange" shit your mother tells you.
Bayani: That's offensive. That's below the belt
Pedro: Seriously, I can see that you are too in-love right now to not see the pain of longing to be loved tomorrow.
Bayani: ...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Pedro: You know, I believe you deserve better than this.
Bayani: I deserve what I have now.
Pedro: You deserve a break, brother.
Bayani: Break from what?!
Pedro: A break from that martyrdom of yours.
Bayani: This is not martyrdom. I love her, she loves me. Fair enough
Pedro: You bought her a Britney Spears CD for her birthday. You fished for a Guns n' Roses for yours. Did you get your gift?
Bayani: She said Guns n' Roses isn't good for my health
Pedro: I don't find Britney good for anyone's either.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bayani: Whatever. I don't feel this conversation is healthy for the heart.
Pedro: Why is it always the heart? Use your mind sometimes. You're just a patch in her's. What a hero.
Bayani: Shut up.
Pedro: Just... consider being tired. Loving someone THAT much without getting anything back is tiring.
Bayani: Who said that being tired can be decided upon?
Pedro: We are talking about emotions here, not physical education.
Bayani: Well, I'm not tired. I'm not even planning to be tired. Loving must go on.
Pedro: You really are a hero.
Bayani: Whatever. Superman. Batman. Fantasic Four. Whatever you say.
Pedro: Joe d Mango.




__________________________________


there,.. another failure in love? haayz,... i strongly suggest everbody to read kuya Heathen's blog,.. meron link dito sa gilid "Six Timezones Away"

I'm at this topic,.. again?! quite inevitable,..ahaha Honestly,.. I'm totally inexperienced with this part but then it's haunting me,.. as in EVERYDAY,.. maybe i'll get over this after i posted this,..



i had a chat with my friend again just early this afternoon,.. as usual we talked about "love" matters,.. even if i almost despised that topic,.. after our conversation,.. i asked myself,..


"Why do people became stupid when in love?"

i think I have to rephrase that,....



"Why do people change when they're in love?"



oh please,.. somebody help me!!!!

_____________________________________

lyra: ateeeeeeee kumusta po? nkapagusap n po kau ni kuya? nakita ko cyang ol khapon eh
dairy: hindi na kami nag uusap
lyra: ngsend po b cya sayo ng message?
dairy: wala kahit isa
lyra: aaaw ngOL cya kgbe ala p rin u offline message?
dairy: hindi na nga ako offline message niya kahit isa almost one month na kami di usap
lyra: ahh,....kmusta ka nmn po ngayon?bka may sakit k nnmn,...
dairy: nag aadjust... nagta try ako na maka move on... sanay na ako na wala siya..kung kailan na lng nya ako maalala


______________________________________

I almost forgot that I’m talking to a woman who is almost 2x older than me,..


dairy: hindi na ako magiging masaya uli. siya lang naman ang kaligayahan ko eh. tapos iiwan niya ako sa ganitong paraan pa. ganun naman siya lagi nag oonline kapag alam niya na hindi na ako naka OL
lyra: waaaaaaa ano b yan ateeeeeeeeeee akala ko ba mgmmove on ka nah? sabi mo tinuruan ka niyang mgmahal sa sarili. HINDI yan ang pinapakita mo

_______________________________________


CONFUSION vs UNDERSTANDING


dairy: uu nga i'm trying to move on pero hindi na maibabalik ung saya ko noon. last wek lagi ko siya tinatawagan pero di niya sinasagot tawag ko,,,lagi ko siya tinetxt para mag OL siya pero hindi niya pa rin pinapansin..
lyra: awww hindi mo rin sinusunod ate kung ano ang sinabi mo ...ganyan ba tlga pag umiibig :-S natatakot na tuloy ako

dairy: natatakot na rin ako... kasi pagod na ako maghintay,umiyak at masaktan uli . pero this week hindi na ako nagtetxt sa kanya.i dont even try calling him again....kinakaya ko na,at sinaksak ko na sa isip ko na balewala na talaga ako sa kanya kaya pinipilit ko na rin na makarecover
lyra: alam nyo po sabi nila,..mas madali nga makarecover pag my galit. haaay ang masama kasi doon,... hindi cya ngpaalam sayo

dairy: nag usap ba kau nung nakita mo nag OL siya
lyra: nde ko na po cya PM eh nahiya na me

dairy: un nga sabi ko sa kanya kasi usapan namin kapag ayaw na niya sabihin niya hindi ung basta siya mawawala. sabi niya sa dami na raw prob niya dun sa RAN na lang niya binubuhos oras niya. kaya hanggang sa pati ako makalimutan . lagi niya sinasabi sa kain mahal niya ako pero wala naman siya time sa akin. so nagdecide na ako na ako ang magsabi na siguro mabuti pa nga maghiwalay muna kami if he needed space,,,
lyra: ahh,.. sinabi niyo po na maghiwalay na muna kau? may reply po ba siya?

dairy: kasi mas nahihirapan ako na umasa at maghintay ng hindi ko alam kung may hinihintay pa ba ako o wala na eh
dairy: uu nag reply siya sabi niya hindi raw niya naisip na magsasabi ako ng ganun sa kanya,,,sabi niya kung yun daw sa palagay ko ang gusto ko wala siyang magagawa...pero mahal na mahal daw niya ako
lyra: WAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa lalo ka lang niyang sinasaktan :-S

dairy: sabi ko laki ng tampo ko sa kanya kasi hindi man lang niya sinasagot mga tawag at txt ko sa kanya noon, tapos sabi niya siya DAW may tampo din sa akin..wala naman ako maisip na dahilan para magtampo siya sa akin. eh siya itong nagpabaya sa akin. sabi ko sa kanya nauunawaan ko naman kung may prob siya dun eh sana lang nagse share siya sa akin kasi dati naman siya nagse share sa akin eh
lyra: ...........nde ko na rin maintindihan. nagiiba ang mga tao,....dapat naiintindihan din natin yun,..yoko ng ganyaaan,.. maswerte pa rin talaga ako,..

dairy: hindi sa lahat ng oras tau ang dapat lagi umiintindi....
lyra: maagang naging ganyan ung sakeen,.. awww bakit po?

dairy: i mean dapat unawain din tau ng ibang tao,hindi ung lagi na lang tayo ang uunawa sa kanila
lyra: pero ganun ang mga ARIES diba?:)sabi nila understanding daw me?!!

dairy: uu kaya minsan gusto ko baguhin ang ugali ko eh
lyra: pero mahirap naman umintindi,.. @-)

dairy: kasi sa sobrang understanding inaabuso naman
lyra: AWWCHH

_______________________________________

the solution to the problem???

dairy: siguro hanap na lang ako nung malapit sa akin dito ung madali ako mapuntahan...
lyra: opo ganun po talaga eh sabi nga nila mahirap long dis rel

dairy: malay natin baka nasa claifornia lang pala kapalaran ko di ba???
lyra: wahehee. opo. saka ang may mas mataas na probability na mgtagal na rel kpag malayo
ay,..ung mga mg-asawa nah although,.. rare pa rin un,..

dairy: siguro madali ko rin malilimutan si jheff kung ang paiiralin ko eh ung mga sama ng loob ko at sakit na binigay niya sa akin
lyra: /swt hmm,..pero mali pa rin naman na kinakain ka ng galit mo,..sige ka,.. maibubunton mo yan sa iba,..

dairy: hindi naman sa ganun,i mean para alng madali ko siya malimutan. hindi ako ganun.hindi ako nagbubunton ng galit sa iba....para sa akin ams madali ako makalimot sa isang tao kapag ang inisip ko ang ung mga sakit...
lyra: ahh,... ako po kasi,.. ung mga sakit naggawa kong masaya,..:)) ~weird nga eh ~

dairy: hindi na rin ako naglalaro ng RO at gunbound...inalis ko na lahat un sa pc ko
lyra: aahh,.. siguro mabuti na rin un,..

dairy: para makalimot ako
lyra: pero ako po ksi,. pag naaalala ko si mervin,.. sumasaya na ko,..khit na ,.. hindi ganun kaayos nangyari,..eheheh


note: dati kasi,.. ako nagmumukmok kay ate,.. ksi nde ako kinakausap ng bf ko,.. uhhm,.. naiinggit ako sa kanya kase ok sila ni kuya jheff,..1 month kami,.. sila ni kuya 1 year and a month na,.. tapos magkasunod pa ng araw monthsary namen,.ahehe tumagal naman kami ng mahigit 7 months,. at mabilis din naman ako nakarecover,.. =)
_____________________________________


more solutions,…….

lyra: kaya mu yan ate,..kaw lang makakatulong sa sarili mo,...
dairy: kaya ko ito,sasaya din ako in time. siguro kapag wala ang sakit. sariwa pa eh

lyra: aww,.. opo. mahirap din talaga pag matagal pinagsamahan
dairy: sa yahoo games pool na alng ako naglalagi...kapag may time ako

lyra: at least pinagsissikapan nyo makarecover,.. marami kasi ngmumukmok na lang eh. tapos kung anoano gngwa sa sarili. nde na nagiicp
dairy: uu naman. hindi ako ganun

dairy: nasasaktan ako pero hindi ako gagawa sa sarili ko ng kahit ano. ngaun pa....sa ngaun trying din ako mag enjoy sa company ng long lost special fren ko. nakuwento ko na sa kanya ang lahat ng sa amin ni jheff... and his willing to help me. but im not saying na siya ang ipapalit ko agad kay jheff ha...hindi pa sa ngaun
lyra: ahihi ok lang yan ate,.. at least may tumutulong sayo

dairy: mahal ko pa si jheff. hindi ganun kadali un mawawala. pero ayaw kong ma misinterpret un ni jheff. dahil iisipin niya ako ang may dahilan para maghiwalay kami..pure friendship lang kami nito
lyra: aaaaahhh cyempre naman,.. good luck po ate,.. :)

dairy:kung makita mo siya naka OL kausapin mo kung gusto mo,wag mo na lang sabihin na nag uusap tau... ayaw ko rin madamay ka... kung magtanong siya,ikaw na bahala msumagot,,, sabihin mo na lang wala akong nababanggit sau about sa amin
lyra: aww,.... okkk po,...

__________________________________


But you can’t deny the fact that you’ve been hurt,….. I was once hurt too,.

dairy: alam mo bang pinadalhan niya ako ng cd para sa RAN.. pero hindi ko na install.kasi para ano pa. tinabi ko na lang
lyra: waaaa. pinadalhan ka niya? hindi po ba sign un? gusto ka rin niyang mglaro

dairy: uu nung july pa. uu gusto niya maglaro ko nun pero noon un nung regular pa kami nag uusap,,nung marecived ko un tinext ko siya at tinawagan to let him know na nareceive ko na pero hindi siya nag OL o hindi man lang siya sumagot sa mga txt ko. july pa un bday niya
lyra: aww tagal na nga rin awww,….minsan talaga maganda rin maging straight to the point.......... hindi nanghuhula

dairy: sa ngaun nasasanay na ako. mag oonline ako kung kelan ko gusto.. hindi na ako naghahanap ng mssg galing sa kanya kasi i know naman na hindi niya ako imemessage eh
lyra: ... hindi ko alam kung inprovement nga yan. pero ganyan din ako eh. =)). himala na lang kung mg-message,.. hihihi wg na umasaaaaaa

dairy: mali ba ung pagsabi ko sa kanya na maghiwlay muna kami,,,mali ba ung ako ang nagsbai nun..kasi napapagod din ako minsan eh...
lyra: ang love ay mutualism,... nde love pag 1 sided. tama lang po siguro yun,.. tama rin pala ung sinabi saken nah,.. "lyra, hindi ka ba napapagod sakin? " haay

dairy: hay naku..anyway so much about that na..ayaw ko na muna isipin yan
lyra: opo hihihi dapat masaya lageeeh,..weee

_________________________________________


from Love to Hate?… chat ended,…

dairy: naglalaro ka pa ba ng RO
lyra: hmm,.. nakabot na po eh,.. sira kase d2 sa bahay,.. :(
dairy: ah..nakalimutan ko na username ko at PW ko dun,pero ok lang di ako interesado sa RO
lyra: waah ok po,.. kung iyan ang mkakatulong sayo,... :-<>dairy: uu.sandali ha may tawag ako from California
lyra: /ok
dairy: sige ha out muna ako..long distance ito eh. Nytnyt
lyra: ok po. ty ate,.. ingat ka lageh :D
dairy: ok ikaw din . bye



note: kaya ko lang nakilala si ate dahil na rin kay kuya (bf niya) nagselos kasi siya nung ng-message si kuya saken,.. i didn't expect na magiging ganito kami ni ate ngayon,.. thankful ako kase lagi niya ako pinapayuhan,.. habang tumatagal,.. nararamdaman ko,.. may kaibigan ako sa malayo,.. na nagtitiwala sa akin,...


hindi ko alam kung may makakabasa nito na nakakakilala sa aming 2,..
oh well,.. wala akong in-edit dito kundi ung time lang saka hindi ko pinakita ung buong yahoo id namen,.. tapos pinagsamasama ko na sa isang sentence ung sasabihin,... mahilig kasi kami sa enter bawat isang phrase,.. ehehe


Everybody deserves to Love and Be Loved in return,.....




Strive to be Happy,....

next to the top priority,.. my parents,...

maybe our native language would do right?
(I'm not superb with the English language)


Thank You,.. Maraming Salamat,.. Isa lamang sa pinaka mababaw na masasabi ko sa aking mga magulang,.. I love you very much,.. Mahal na mahal ko kayo,... ayan ang pangalawa,... Sa isang hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay nabuhay ako,.. Hindi inaasahan pero inaasahan ng Diyos,.. Kayo ang instrumento niya kaya't hindi rin matatawaran ang aking pasasalamat,.. Sa mahigit labing pitong taon na ako'y inyong sinubaybayan at hinayaang mabuhay sa masalimuot ngunit masayang mundo, pakiramdam ko'y kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi ko mababayaran ang oras na inilaan ninyo sa akin.


"Hindi na importante sa amin na bigyan mo kami (pera o kahit anong bagay na kabayaran) kapag nagkatapos ka na ng pag-aaral. "

"Kuntento na kami basta makita ka namin at ang mga kapatid mo na maayos ang buhay,"

"Pagbutihin mo dahil para sa sarili mo ang ginagawa mo at hindi para sa amin."



~ Mag-aral ka ng mabuti ~


Bakit nga ba sinasayang ko ang oras ko? Sinasayang ko ang panahon na dapat ako'y gumagawa ng paraan para mapabuti ang aking sarili.

kung ibabatay ko ito sa aking mga magulang,..

Sinasayang ko ang oras na inilaalaan nila sa pagtatrabaho para lamang tustusan ako sa aking mga pangangailangan,...

Sabihin na nating,.. OO,.. hindi ko naman sinabing bilhin mo iyan para sa akin ah,.. hindi ko naman sinabing pag-aralin mo ako diba? hindi ko naman sinabing gawin mo iyan para sa akin ah?

Pero ginawa ninyo,.. para sa akin,.. kase may responsibilidad kayo?





Hindi,.....





Ito ay dahil di hamak na mas malaki ang pagmamahal ninyo sa akin kaysa sa pagmamahal ko sa inyo. Ngayon ko lang naisip na napakaswerte ko,.. Ibig kong sabihin,.. Talaga namang pinagpala ako ng Diyos. Hindi lahat ng mga magulang ay kayang ibigay ang lahat sa kanilang mga anak. Hindi lahat ng mga magulang ay katulad ninyong hindi natakot na kunin ang responsibilidad para sa akin.


Sa aking mga magulang, bilang isang anak ay nagkakaroon ako ng mga pagkakasala,.. pagkakamali,.. at marami pang pagkakasala at pagkakamali,.. sabihin man nilang ito'y normal sa bawat nilikha,.. alam kong ito ri'y paraan ng Diyos para sa akin.

Hinihingi ko ang pagpapala at biyaya ng Diyos para maisakatuparan ko ang mga pangarap ninyo para sa akin. Alam kong sa gayong paraan lamang ako kahit papano'y makakabawi sa inyo. Patawad sa aking pagwawalang bahala,..

Maraming Salamat sa buhay,... sa oras,..


Maraming Salamat dahil kayo ang nagturo sa akin ng tunay na pagmamahal.



Ang inyong panganay na anak,

Lyra Ruth

First, I have nothing against non-believers. Secondly, I am proud to be a Christian though my "religion" is Roman Catholic. Thirdly, I am making this post because I believe that all of us, (human beings) have a "GOD" . I'll make that simple,.. all of us have "somebody" we look up to who is definitely not a human being. Someone we believed to be there even if he doesn't exist. Someone we aren't sure of but we BELIEVE in. In a normal conversation,..



"Hey dude! do you know who made us?"

"God."

"Do you know him personally?"

"No,..."

"then how did you know it's God?"

"...Because he created us."

"Yeah, somebody did create us,.. "


~ UNEXPLAINABLE ~


Back to my post,.. I decided to make this as my first "relevant" post because I know God should be the first. I know many would disagree but that is what I believe. I won't name "my God" because of the many conflicts about his name,.. (Seriously, I think that is the main problem with religions,.. GOD SHOULD BE NAMED like this,.. and that,..) Somebody did create me,.. and you,.. that's all. The only thing you can claim about him is that YOU are one of his superb Creation. I think that is one of the reasons I should thank him dearly right?

I love it when I feel God's prescence,.. Hey,.. don't think about those apparitions or unexplainable things,... What I mean is,.. Somebody DO answers me,.. Somebody DO answers my questions,... Somebody DO answers my prayers,.. (Prayer- way to communicate with God) Don't think about the "literal" answers huh,..

I don't talk to God aloud. I just converse with him like somebody who is higher than me but really close to me. I see to it that I won't forget him. I remember him in every people, every place, every thing,.... i mean EVERYTHING. That would include values, vices, relations, dissensions, emotions, mind matters & heart matters,.. XD

I'm making this post because this is dedicated to him. Oh,.. I think I can say that I am making this blog because of him instead. I'll try to track down every memory of the time he lends me. I don't know if this would help other people but I know this would help me a lot. I can't thank him enough with my words & my actions. but then,.. I really wanted to thank him.

for my LIFE,...


for this TIME,...


=)



Then I am proud to say,.. I am an another creation of God.

Hello there,..

this is not the first time that i'm posting in a blog,..

i decided to trasfer here so that my friends in friendster won't be disturbed by my updates,..

i know they are receiving alerts in their mail everytime i update,....

anyway,.. here is the link to my previous blog,..

http://liu_rei_yi.blogs.friendster.com/silver_cross/

i hope you would enjoy reading,..


although i don't like any readers,... (nakakahiya kase)

~umaandar lang kababawan ko ~

ahihih